a haiku on the eating habits of coworkers

white people will not
eat tofu or seaweed but
fungus-miso's fine

Joe Escalante!

Today I learned that my hero Joe Escalante was honored by “Tu Ciudad” magazine as one of the top 25 Latinos to watch in LA. (Nevermind that Escalante is from OC.) My top 10 reasons why Joe Escalante is awesome:

1) Joe went to UCLA and was heckled by stupid frat boys on Gayley for having blue hair.

2) Joe played guitar in a punk band called “The Vandals” whose videos I used to cherish like they were gold because you could only really see them on this video show called “Are Oh Vee” at 2 am on public access. They wrote like hundreds of songs on subjects such as: disproportionately large heads, being nice to your grandparents, Christmas, and having a date.

3) Joe currently plays in a Morrissey/Smiths tribute band called “Sweet and Tender Hooligans” which I’ve yet to see because they have shows every 6 months or so. But they’re free so that makes them more awesome.

4) Joe Escalante went to law school (which does not make him awesome) and passed the bar! He then became an entertainment lawyer and worked in house at CBS.

5) Joe Escalante was offered the chance to play the Warped Tour while working at CBS as in house counsel.

6) Joe Escalante was called “The Beaner” by his camp counselors at summer camp and then survived summer camp despite the subsequent hardship.

7) Joe Escalante currently has a show on Indie 103.1 called “Barely Legal” which he gives out free IP, entertainment, and other legal advice.

8) Escalante has another morning show on Indie 103.1 where he sits through the musings of the insufferable Liz Warner. Wednesdays are now “Wino Wednesdays” where he drinks wine on air and tells us about it as we all drive to work. He replaced Dickie Barrett of the Mighty Mighty Bostones.

9) Joe is one of the founders of punk rock label Kung Fu Records. Kung Fu sponsors bands such as Ozma, English-style punk classic makers Stiff Little Fingers, and MxPx. Ozma I’ve seen live and they’re really fun. They sound like Pinkerton style Weezer with keyboards.

10) Oh and Joe Escalante and "Ask a Mexican" columnist Gustavo Arellano agree that if you’re half Mexican and half Irish and you go to prison, you could join a Mexican gang and be known as “that crazy red head” or join the Aryan Nation and be known as a ‘dirty white boy” decisions decisions! But easily made if you’ve seen “Blood in Blood Out”.