#1 Single : "Fat B*tch" - the horror story of a summer associate's musical legacy

(lovingly borrowed from above the law )


X-Summers: The Bruised Booze Cruiser
Labor Day has come and gone. But even though summer is unofficially over, we still have a few summer associate stories for you.

We heard lots of rumors about the Chicago summer who, as described by one source, "got decked by a girl" after a firm-sponsored, Fourth of July boat cruise. According to one version of the story, he showed up to work the next day black and blue.

After poking around, we've assembled what we believe to be a fairly reliable account of the incident. The black-and-blue part isn't true, but the general outlines of the story are accurate:

1. Superhero name: The Bruised Booze Cruiser
2. Special power(s): Improvised musical composition; ability to piss off women, partners, and other important people.
3. Summered: Kirkland & Ellis, Chicago, summer 2007
4. Claim to fame: From our tipster:

After the Fourth of July boat cruise, one of the summers tied one too many on. At the after-party, while passing a drink to a friend, he stuck it right across the face of a girl standing nearby.
Understandably annoyed, the girl said something sort of snarky. He responded by a signing an improvised song to her, which went something like, "Fat bitch, fat bitch, you are such a fat bitch."

After he went on for about a minute, she decided she had had enough of his ditty. She emptied her drink over his head -- then socked him in the jaw.

Awesome.

5. What happened to him: In terms of his medical condition, he did NOT show up black and blue the next day, as rumored:

First, the cruise was on the 3rd, and we had the 4th off. Second, when he showed up on the 5th, he looked pretty much fine -- except for a hint of wounded pride.
As for his professional fate, we hear that he got a "cold offer" (which is when the firm extends you an offer, so you can tell prospective employers when you re-interview that you did get an offer, but makes clear that you shouldn't take it).

Apparently the coldness of the offer wasn't due to the after-party altercation. The after-party wasn't a firm-sponsored gathering, and it wasn't attended by partners. But this summer committed other errors:

He managed to piss off a partner at a golf outing as well. The partner had gone on a long vacation with his wife, and [the SA] starts blabbing about how “that must have sucked” and “I would die being with my wife along for that long.” The partner politely says something to the effect of “no, actually I really like my wife we get along great.”
Not getting the hint, [the SA] keeps blabbing about how awful that must have been. Word is the partner was so peeved he complained to recruiting.


Update: A somewhat different version of this story appears here.